Five ways not to start a relationship

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a disaster is defined as…

dis•as•ter

• [noun] a sudden event, such as an accident or a natural catastrophe, that causes great damage or loss of life.
• an event or fact that has unfortunate consequences.
• INFORMAL; a person, place or thing that is a failure.

PHRASES
be a recipe for disaster - be extremely likely to have unfortunate consequences

My focus is on the informal definition, “a person, act, or thing that is a failure.” Basically, when you date disaster, you are in a relationship that is most likely bound to fail. There are many kinds of disastrous relationships, the key is being able to spot it early on and prevent either party from being hurt or distressed. The phrase “recipe for disaster” is also a helpful. For example, “Maybe we shouldn’t have started dating while he still had a girlfriend, it was a recipe for disaster.” Which leads me into my first list, five ways not to start a relationship.

1. Never start a relationship while you or the other person is in a relationship. Relationships are built on trust and starting your new relationship behind the back of an old one doesn’t say much for how trustworthy you or your partner can be.

2. Avoid legal trouble. Yes, people make mistakes, but that guy you met who is so cute but was just sentenced a DUI should really be focused on his own problems, not on a relationship. Tell him to call you in seven months.

3. Don’t date your friends’ friend, roommate, cousin etc. While it’s nice to date someone who you have mutual friends with, there is a good chance that there will be some conflict down the line over who you care about more. No one likes to choose.

4. People are who they are, and walking into a relationship thinking your influence can change someone for the better is a bad idea. Most of the time your idea of better is their idea of controlling. Wait it out for the one that comes in your size, not the one that has to be altered.

5. Most importantly, do not get involved in a relationship with a person who needs help. Whether it’s not knowing what they want to do in life, substance abuse, mental health issues, or any other serious life change, it is not a good time to add the responsibility of a relationship to someone’s plate when they can’t handle what is already on it.