On bras

Friend: I want a bra that says "taste me, I taste good."

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

On pirates (bbmfln)

Friend: (at pirate theme establishment) Pirates are hottt

Me: Yeah they are!

Me: Sorry, yeah they yarrrr

Friend: hahaha

Me: if you fuck a pirate, you'll be my idol.

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On younger men

Me: What do you think would happen if I walked over to that table [of younger men] and said "back of my car, ok? let's go"

Friend: We should just start fucking people.

Me: what?!

Friend: Fucking with! I meant fucking with!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

On other people getting married first

You know, if everyone gets married now, well have first dibs at the divorced crowd.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Aging men

Friend: Eventually, all men get fat and bald

Me: True...
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Note to men...

Telling me about your previous drug problem doesn't help your game.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry