I can see clearly now the rain is...

...right where I left it.

I had an encounter with the ex tonight that left me very confused.

No, nothing dirty or juicy.

I was annoyed because he let me down, yet again, in regards to some of the business still left between us (yes, there are still things to take care of after all this time, naturally that are his fault). I decided the best thing was to talk to him face to face, as that is in my opinion the best way to communicate a message without misunderstanding. I let him know how I hated badgering him and that it made me feel like an idiot that there was still business to attend to. I told him how it was my own fault for thinking I could depend on him. I was taken back by how completely hopeless he looked.

It was then that he told me of the depths of his financial situation, one not caused by the market, but by his own poor choices. I feel uncomfortable going into details on the matter, but it is bad. Really bad.

For some reason I felt like crying. But why?

There are two things that can happen to your ex after a horrific break up that while it is really terrible to take joy in them, they make you feel temporarily much much better:

1. They attempt to come crawling back, desperately in love with you, and you get to turn them down because you are way happier without them, and are quite busy fucking someone else. Ah, now he sees what he was missing! Too. Fucking. Bad.
2. You find out, as you wished many times in anger, that their life post-you is in shambles, they have contracted some kind of disgusting/non-lethal STD and its plain to see that their life was sooo much better when you were in it -- proof that any goodness in the life you had was because of YOU.

Yes, number two. Ok, so I hoped his life would fall apart without me. I cursed him and called it out many times he would continue fucking up and would ruin his life completely. Ah yes, then he would see. And he would be sorry, possibly resulting in a number one type scenario.

Things changed. I'm doing well. I am happy with me and the people in my life. Yeah, I'm not rolling in it, but there is nothing I want for, and I am not having things taken away from me. My wishes for him began to change when I realized my happiness was a direct result of walking away from those rain clouds into the sunlight.

But he stayed in the rain, which now has developed into a storm. As he told me I could see how much pain he was in, and while I felt bad for him (I started to get teary -- I'm a HUGE sap if that counts for anything) a voice inside me said, "aren't you happy that it's not your problem anymore."

There was another realization in this encounter -- I was not responsible for his happiness. I hoped that things would work out for him. I was thinking earlier in the day how things a better now we are over, and wanted to tell him how glad I was that we were both able to move on to better lives. His recent downfall is one more piece of evidence proving that I had no control over his happiness, and nothing I could do could change the direction of his life and the decisions he would make.

I told him that things would get better, because I am still me, and I still care that he (as a person) is hurting, knowing very well that they most likely wouldn't, because he is still him and that will never change.

Tonight I go to bed confused by fresh tears (wow, that was emo), feeling pity for a person who deserves none from me. I go to bed in rain clouds tonight, but I will wake up tomorrow and the sun will shine.

But for him, it will still be raining.

YAY for YOU

This YAY for YOU goes out to my dear male best friend who came in second in his lifting competition.

I am very proud of you!!!

Keep your hands out of my cookie jar

I like boys, they like me...

...but their girlfriends don't.

I'm not sure what it is about me, but I am the girl that that boyfriends like to forget about their girlfriends for. I'm the one they talk to for hours, days, weeks and they don't mention that they are in a relationship. I'm the one they tell after the deed is done that there is a misses.

For example, lets look at my last three relationships:

Case 1 - "I am in love with you but I promised my girlfriend we wouldn't break up again."

And I fell for it. I ate it up. I thought it was so sweet and I felt bad he was stuck in a relationship he wasn't happy in. He would call me and tell me how he felt. How he wanted to be with me and not her. I would give him advice. I was there for him. Finally they broke up, and he turned around and pulled the same shit on me.

Case 2 - "I can't do this, I've got a girl."

After my ex and I broke up we had a few encounters. One of them resulted in his coming, and my leaving of his life forever, right after he told me he had a new girlfriend. I should have seen it coming. He cheated on me throughout our entire relationship, so I guess this was like a reverse karma.

Case 3 - "Umm, you know, you have a girlfriend..."

We were friends. Well, friends with tension of the sexual kind. One night after some drinks shit happened, and he had a girl friend. They broke up. We started to hook up. Until one unfortunate day after when I looked at his facebook, and he had a girlfriend. What. I was naturally pissed. And he was sorry. We continued to hook up. He would tell me they would fight, and he didn't want to be with her. I felt so bad for him. When they finally broke up we got together officially. And what do you know! He did the same thing to me.

These are just examples of official relationships. There are countless other guys I have come in contact with who were with someone else and most of them did everything to make sure I didn't know about it. I try my best to keep these guys from being cheaters. I am not a cheater myself. When I am in a relationship I do not stray. That's not my style. Despite my good intentions, karma keeps setting me up for disaster.

I'm not sure what it is about me but for some reason these guys can't resist putting their hands in my cookie jar -- no matter if they have a batch of their own.

I see miserable couples everywhere I go, everywhere I go...

You have seen them. You are at the store, the aquarium, on the train and you hear it. She is pissed because he did something wrong. He is annoyed because he thinks she is just nagging. Its hard to miss the muffled threats or icy glances.

I see miserable couples everywhere I go.

And I look at them and at first I see myself. I see my old relationship. I see how we were. I see how terrible it must have looked to others. And then, relief. I am not in that picture anymore. I am no longer part of another angry couple. And then I

s m i l e

What?!? You want to go apple picking with me?

Sometimes you have to lose one thing to appreciate another.

I have spent a lot of my, um, mature life in relationships. Right now is the first time in a long time that there isn't anyone in my life...which is how I realized how many people are in my life.

When you are in a romantic relationship (boyfriend, not boyfriend but something, fuck buddy, obsession...whatever) there is always the desire to go see that person, or call that person, or think about that person. No matter where you go or what you do they are in the back of your mind.

But when you are without such a relationship, and aren't actively looking for someone your eyes are opened to a new world of people.

There is of course family. Unconditional love, caring and support. Isn't that what you wanted from him that he couldn't give you? Well you had it the whole time from people who wouldn't dump you for the world.

And then friends. Good times, good fun. Someone to do things with, who shares your interests. Someone to try new things with. Wasn't it so frustrating that he didn't care about the things you did? Look at all of the people around you who will go shopping and enjoy it, who want to go to the bar without pouting, who will take that cooking, dancing, anything class with you and want to be there.

OMG. People who want to spend time with you. People who care about you. People who were there before him, and will be there after.

Make sure you take time to realize how special these people are, and let them know it too.

To delete or not to delete, that is the question.

What do you do when you know you shouldn't talk to someone but you can't help texting, calling, IMing, stalking them?

You delete.

I am a HUGE fan or deleting. I do it every time I know I shouldn't talk to someone anymore. It doesn't matter if they are a friend or ex lover. If I don't think I should contact them, or if I think they don't want to be contacted by me, I delete, ASAP.

So now, a lovely friend of mine is in the same predicament. She needs to stop talking to someone. So this post is for her, to give her to the strength to stop double and triple texting and not pick up when the number you can't forget shows up on the caller ID.

You can do it!!!

Lovecast for the week of 10/27

Recap of last week…

Monday, October 20

Flirting and other heartfelt talk intensify the sizzle in your relationship at the beginning of the week. No sizzle really. At all. Tuesday is especially good for a romantic encounter. No such encounter. Business mixes with pleasure mid-week, but a misunderstanding may arise. Nope, nothing therre. Romance turns serious on Friday. So I saw the ex on Friday. I wouldn’t call it romantic. He did inform me of the downfalls of his life. Which are serious. Over the weekend, your charisma makes you the center of attention. I went to a football game, I was super cute, and I sure got some attention!

And now, for this week…

Tuesday, October 28

Partnership activities escalate after Tuesday's New Moon for about two weeks. Negative, as I do not have a partner. If you're solo, getting clear about what you want in a relationship will help you manifest a compatible partner. Based on my Prince Charming post, I am very clear. Passion skyrockets on Wednesday! If by passion you mean passionate hatred for someone who frustrates me, than yes. Your intuition guides you in love on Thursday and Friday. So far my intuition has gotten me nowhere but to dead ends and black hole relationships. I think I am going to second guess myself more often. Romance needs freedom on Saturday. How does one free something you don’t have? Or will I have some free-of-strings loving? Sensuality soars on Sunday. Not a fan of Sundays.

Whammy! We should blog

So I haven't posted in a week. I've neglected my blog. Horrible. I think I get more horrific with every day. I drank for four nights in a row. Actually, Saturday I drank ALL DAY. Absolutely terrible. Well, wonderful.

I haven't had a lot of time to spend online talking to the dating site stalkers. One was particularly annoyed by my absence from the virtual world. Sorry if I have had too much of a real life to spend hours chatting online. The kid IM's me and says "So, how is the love life?"

Are. You. Serious.

Someone who is trying to date you will only ask about your love life if he thinks you are having one without him. Which I am not.

Ok, I lie.

Not really a love life. I went out on Saturday. I met a friend of a friends boyfriend at a bar. Now, based on my last point it is quite clear I am looking for someone who knows what they want. So this boy and I had been flirting all day. Around 3AM the kid looks at me and says "Whammy! We should make out."

What. Whooo says that? The real question is. Who falls for it?

Me. hahaha. Yes, alcohol was involved, but the most refreshing thing wasn't the cold taste of the Rockies in my glass, it was that finally someone was fully direct and honest with me. That is refreshing. There was no expectation of anything but some lip locking in the back of the bar and a nice to meet you. No number. No why didn't he call. No awkward conversations. No expectations. No nothing.

Perfect. Horrific, but perfect.

Hey, Prince Charming, I want you bad...

No, I want you bad. Prince Charming is nice and all, but nice doesn't do it for me. Nice, is just nice, and eventually is annoying. I think Offspring said it best...

Your one vice
It's you're too nice
Come around now can you see

I'm not saying I don't like a good guy. But too good is vomitous. The guy for me has to have a little bit of an edge. He needs to know how to take care of business. He needs be be able to take control of the situation. He needs to be a bit bad.

I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad

Well, I could skip the tattooed, but come on. Who wants a wimpy guy who is too nice. A guy who asks you if he can talk to you, or can't just make plans. The nice guy is too afraid of doing something wrong to take the plunge and be spontaneous. The nice guy wont just do it, he is cautious and asks permission. No fun.

Complete me
Mistreat me
want you to be bad bad bad bad bad

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I want some asshole who will treat me like shit. That's not it. There needs to be a balance between good and bad. Prince Charming when it is appropriate, and a bad ass like Lil' Wayne lyrics when you get home.

To sum it up, I'd rather deal with a dick than babysit a bitch.

Lovecast for the week of 10/20

Recap of last week...

Monday, October 13

The Full Moon encourages you to forget the past and take hold of the present, especially in love. I not only continued to talk to him, but I saw him in person. Horrible. Your sensuality and style heighten your powers of attraction mid-week, so prepare yourself for a romantic adventure! Nope, didn't happen. It's time to show off your artistry, too. I went to the craft store again. So that was true. A generous gesture accelerates romance on Friday or Saturday. A good friend of mine was very generous and helped me move some things. It wasn't romantic though. The ex did offer to help me fix my internet, but he didn't pull through, as usual. Flirting heats up on Sunday. No flirting I actually wanted to participate in...

And now, this week...

Monday, October 20

Flirting and other heartfelt talk intensify the sizzle in your relationship at the beginning of the week. Well, if by sizzle they mean fizz out and die, then yes, that's probable. Tuesday is especially good for a romantic encounter. Romantic encounter, eh? I don't think so. Business mixes with pleasure mid-week, but a misunderstanding may arise. Again, don't think so. No co-workers strike my fancy. Maybe it will be another kind of business, like personal business, or unfinished business... wait, that smells like ex territory EEK! Romance turns serious on Friday. Again with the non existent love life.. Serious? I don't have romance to turn on let alone serious. Over the weekend, your charisma makes you the center of attention! I am going to a football game, so maybe I should be a super fan in a super cute jersey!


Will I find serious love through some unknown romance, or will a a misunderstand make a mess of my mojo? Stay tuned...

Holy Shit! I Just Had an Epiphany!

So all of a sudden it came to me.

I am so much better off without my ex-boyfriend.

It took a while to realize, but now that it's come out I feel so much better. There were so many things in life he was holding me back from. Had we stayed together I would have ended up married and probably with child by 27. He would have pushed me to give up my career (that he never supported in the first place) to stay at home and watch the kids while he pursued all of his dreams. I spent so much time concerned with his wants and needs that I completely ignored my own. I have so many opportunities now. There is no one putting me down or holding me back. And honestly, I am grateful that it ended, because I can now see these paths, and I know his path (not our path, as it should have been, but his) was not the right one for me.

But this wasn't an easy thing to realize. Oh no. There were lots of tears and sleepless nights, horrific calls to my friends in hysterics, balled up anger over how I was treated, and regret that I had given my heart and soul to someone who didn't appreciate it at all.

There is no simple cure for a broken heart. The loss of any relationship in your life, romantic or not, is a loss. There is no way over, under or around loss. The only thing you can do is go straight through it. There are 5 stages of loss. No Cliff Notes for this one, you will experience all of them, and only when you allow yourself to feel how you are really feeling, and deal with the loss, can you get over it, and I guarantee you will be changed for the better.

1. Denial and Isolation - The first reaction to loss is to deny that the loss actually happened. We don't know how to deal with the overwhelming emotions we are feeling, so a defence mechanism kicks in, and we decide it didn't happen. Shut it out, along with everyone and everything else that could verify that its real.

I can't believe this is happening. How can we not be together? I'll just go to bed. I don't want to talk to anyone.

2. Anger - As denial wares of, we are left to face the pain of the loss. But we are not ready, so the pain is pulled back in and redirected as anger. This anger can be taken out on anyone or anything. With anger comes guilt for being angry, which translates into more anger -- a vicious cycle.

That fucking tool! I did everything for him and he didn't give a shit. I'm so angry, I'm going to yell at my friends. Now I feel terrible. It's his fault! If he hadn't been such a douche I wouldn't have yelled at my friends!

3. Bargaining - As the anger fades away, we begin to feel like we are helpless and out of control. In order to gain control we analyze the situation in our heads, and barter to try and rationalize the situation. This includes making deals with higher beings in order to change the current situation. At this point we are still finding ways to avoid dealing with the reality of the loss.

If only I hadn't looked in his phone and found calls to his ex, then we wouldn't have gotten in a fight and we would still be together! Oh God, I will go to church every day, like the REST of my life, if you will bring us back together.

4. Depression - You are driving, talking to a co-worker, eating a sandwich, and all of a sudden it hits you. You lost something (in this case, a relationship) that meant a lot to you, and you are sad. We hit the depression stage second to last, meaning it could take a while for the depression to kick in. We were fine about it for months. But it's a false emotion because you cannot get past a loss without being sad. Really sad. You will be fine all day, and get in your car and cry, the kind where your whole body cries with you. At this point, we are finally facing what has happened, and allowing ourselves to feel.

I don't know why I am sad all of a sudden. Wow. I really miss him. And this really hurts. Better call the wahhhmmmbulance because I am going to cry...

5. Acceptance - And now, after the denial, anger, bargaining and depression we can finally come to terms with what has happened. Yes, its over, yes it makes you angry, no, you can't change what happened, and yeah, it really fucking hurts. But now, you have felt all you needed to feel. Once we have allowed ourselves to experience all the emotions of a loss, then we are able to accept what is, and from there, move on.

Yes, we broke up. But I am so much better off without him.

SO that is where I am now. I have finally reached acceptance. And let me tell you, it's fucking great. I know its possible for me to feel these emotions again, because even thought I had this great realization, it still hurts. And part of that realization is knowing it may always hurt, even just a little.

Happy Birthday!!!

I would like to wish a very happy birthday to my oldest and dearest friend. Here's to 18 years, and here's to 36 more!

I love you, and I hope all of your birthday wishes come true.

My glass is overflowing!

I know I have a tendency to be a little, um, not positive, so I decided to write up a list of things I LOVE. Things that make me HAPPY. I hope they make you happy too :) and then you will make someone else happy, and they will make someone else happy and soon the WHOLE world will be happy because of this one post. So here we go!

(Please note, this list is not in order of importance, just the order in which things left my brain, traveled through my fingers and ended up on the screen.)

• Flowers in spring
• Shoes that make my legs feel this long
• My family (a given)
• and lovely friends (also a given)
• my adorable dog
• Cakes
• And cakewrecks
• Sleeping late
• Sunny days
• Photoshop
• iDVD
• Fat animals - ok maybe this doesn't make me happy, but it makes me laugh. Remember, I'm horrible.
• Bagels. Who doesn't love bagels?
  
• Medium sized waterfalls - small ones are unimpressive and large ones, like Niagara Falls could endanger my life
• Driving in my car with the windows down, sunroof open, preferably on one of those days you expect it to be too cool or warm but its the perfect temperature
• Garage sales
  
• Anything on sale
• Comforters
• IKEA
  
• Pumpkin/apple/blueberry picking (only in Michigan)
  
• Halloween
• Halloween costumes (any ideas???)
  
• Candy, preferably truffles. Ohhh there is nothing better than chocolate truffles. I would have to go out in Beverly Hills to get chocolate truffles for Halloween.
• Christmas trees. Christmas lights. Christmas carols. Christmas everything...except that horrid mistletoe. I won't be using any of that. Oh, and the coal I will most likely get in my stocking...
  
• This website, even though, as previously stated I am not fond of cats
• Or bees. Even on strings... ok back on track, this was suppose to be positive.
  
• Sweatsuits (not the horrible 80's kind)
  
• Gambling on nickel slots and drinking the free drinks on the floor
  
• Being tan
• The beach
  
• Smut novels, but not too smutty, they need to have a bit of a plot. Otherwise it's just porn on paper.
  
• Carnivals and street fairs
• Broadway, my favorite being Phantom of the Opera
  
• The Office (where is my Jim?)
  
• Sex and the City (where is my Big? Just not the Big in the movie, because he was a douche)
  
• A good nights sleep
  

That is it for now. I'm sure I will think of other things that make me happy. I hope my list to this point made you happy too!

Lovecast for the week of 10/13

Recap of last week...

Monday, October 6

Aligning your spiritual ideals with your work goals at the beginning of the week will help set you on your true path. I did accomplish a lot this past week. Mid-week, romance can be found with a colleague or through an unusual work project. Um, nope. No such occurrence this week. Your mystique draws admirers over the weekend, but you'll need to take off the rose-colored glasses when meeting a romantic prospect. Well, as you can tell from my previous posts I did draw admirers, but I think they are the ones who needed to remove the glasses.

And now, this week...

Monday, October 13

The Full Moon encourages you to forget the past and take hold of the present, especially in love. WHAT!!! I have to confess I was in contact with the ex this weekend. We had an extended textersation* that should not have occurred. This is a clear sign to not talk to him anymore. EVER. Your sensuality and style heighten your powers of attraction mid-week, so prepare yourself for a romantic adventure! I don't know what a romantic adventure is, but its been a while so count me in. It's time to show off your artistry, too. Just yesterday I was at the store buying crafting supplies! A generous gesture accelerates romance on Friday or Saturday. If it is anything like last week's romance, then I'm not interested. Flirting heats up on Sunday. I hate Sundays.

Will I forget the past, stop having horrifically destructive conversations with the ex, move on with new romance and become the next Martha Stewart in the coming week? We will seeeee....

* Textersation - an extended conversation via text messaging, similar to an AIM conversation but just as terrible

Playa like the Himalaya

When I entered the horrific online dating scene I was all about meeting someone new. I spent hours looking over all the profiles selecting who I would talk to. I never contacted any of them. I didn't as much as click the button that told them I though they were hot. It just seemed strange.

By some strange coincidence, I was contacted by some of the guys I found attractive contacted me (Among many who were horrible, and it wasn't just physical. Some just didn't seem interesting in their profiles. Looks aren't everything, but in a forum where you are judged by your picture and a paragraph, one should choose their words and pictures wisely). So we start chatting on the site. That's fine with me. And then AIM. Ok. And then IMing me constantly. A little intrusive. Now wanting my number. Eeeek!

The truth is, these guys aren't doing anything wrong. I play a role in these relationships. I e-mailed back, I answer the IMs, I struggle through forced conversation, I fork over the phone number when I don't really want to, for phone calls and text messages I most likely won't answer. But why? Why is it so hard to say "I'm just not interested"?

So many people do it. They just don't know how to say no. I take accountability for my actions. I know I play into it. But I do give off signals that say, back off. I don't respond to the 500 IMs to my away message, I don't try and give you my number, I don't suggest we hang out in person. Accept that at this point I am cool with just chatting, not 24/7, but every once in a while. Don't push it.

The issue gets even worse in real life. I recently had an experience with a guy at a bar who decided because I danced with him we were going to be married and grow old. Umm hello? Where was his better judgement? One, I was clearly drunk. Drunk girls in tube tops will usually dance with anybody. Two, me walking away from you and dancing with someone else probably means I have moved on. I am sure that the 5 seconds we spent dancing were amazing but that doesn't mean you should follow me around the bar and when you can't find me (because I am hiding) ask my friends where I am and tell them how much you like me. It definitely doesn't mean that when you finally track me down and cut in front of my latest dancing partner that you should try to suck my face and then ask if you can see me again. HELLO! I gave clear signals that I wasn't interested. What is the deal?

I'm sure this post makes me sound horrible, or as the homeless guy I passed on the street put it, a "playa like the Himalaya" and while I am a bit horrific, this one isn't my fault, and it happens all the time. Think about it. How many times have you felt bad because someone got the wrong idea and decided it was appropriate to court (flirt, stare at, cock block, follow, touch, make out whatever) you. What if you had just turned to the person and said "I'm not really into you, please move on." You would be a BITCH! A total ASSHOLE! The worst person EVER! No one wants to hear the truth. The truth hurts.

I try to be aware of the signals people send to me, and I think I do a pretty good job of not pursuing guys who aren't interested. Eighty percent of the meaning of what we say is non-verbal, and paying attention to that eighty percent makes life a whole lot easier.

Hi! Nice to Meet You, Lovely Conversation, Now GO AWAY...

So, as I mentioned in my first post, I am trying the whole online dating thing. Why you ask? Well I have had multiple fairly long relationships, and clearly none of them have worked. They started the natural way, through friends or in class (None in bars thanks, you cannot, I repeat, CANNOT meet a guy in a bar. Maybe for a one nighter but not for anything serious. It's a rule. It never works. Life, feel free to prove me wrong. I'll invite you to the wedding.) So I figured, why not. If there are this many dating site commercials on TV it has to be pretty popular. It doesn't make me a loser. I can meet people on my own, this is just utilizing technology to raise my chances of finding love. 

At first, I thought it was great. I described it as a "catalog of cock" and spent an evening with a lovely friend looking over all the profiles. I even got her and another two friends to sign up -- just to look. 

Then I received a million e-mails. So many that I needed to know what they said... so I paid. Then started the e-mail conversations. I am OK with that. Talk a little at my leisure. Get to know someone. I am open. Then came the, lets talk more. "Do you have AIM? Do you want to talk on the phone?" AIM please. Now, I kind of want them to go away. They are perfectly nice guys, really, but now whenever I get an IM, or an e-mail from the site, I get a little nauseous. Why? I don't know. 

Maybe I'm not ready. I want to be ready, I really do. I'm so over being in the post break-up era. I'm ready for the single and fabulous man-eater era to begin. 

Maybe it's too awkward for me; meeting random people who now want to talk to me all the time. I may just be horrible.

Become a Snob

I had a conversation tonight with my grandfather. It started out as a reaction to the rest of the tables conversations on the economy and everyone else's favorite, politics (puke! I am all for voting and being informed, but at a certain point you need to shut it off and concentrate on something else for a moment). Anyway, during our talk he made a comment that I found so wise and it caused me to see things in a whole new light. He said...

"I'm a snob. You can ask your grandmother, I'm a snob. Not about money or wealth, but about people. I only associate myself with people who are as good a person as me if not better. I try to only surround myself with individuals who can better me in some way." 

And he is right. Why do we associate ourselves with people who we don't feel are good people. While it is inevitable that you would deal with people who aren't so good on the inside in your everyday, why do we insist on having intimate relationships with people we feel aren't good people? Think of all the people in your personal life. Do you feel all of them are good people? Do you think they can better you and your life in some way? Think about someone you may be starting something with, if they don't seem like they are as good a person as you are, why continue?

Grandpa, I think from now on I am going to be a snob too. 

"If I Were a Boy" - Beyonce

So I'm sure 500 people have posted this today, but I'm going to do it again, because I LOVE IT! Perez claims it is originally someone named BG Jean. So thank you BC for writing this. Just read the lyrics, and you will LOVE it too!


If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wated
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell evveryone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

(Chorus)

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

(Chorus)

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

YAY for YOU

This "YAY for YOU!" goes out to a dear friend of mine. She was promoted today and I wanted to let her know how very proud I am of her and all her accomplishments.

Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at last upon yourself.
- Theodore T. Hunger (borrowed from Inspirational-Quotes)

Umm, my dog ate my memories...

So here is a wonderful way to get rid some of your EX-cellent past relationship memorabilia. Take that stuffed animal, favorite hat, t-shirt you shouldn't be refusing to wash, whatever... and feed it to your dog. If you don't have a dog, then borrow one. Borrow mine.

Doggies love to rip things up. Cats might too, I'm not sure as I am not a cat person (they strike me as evil and anti-social, and they make my eyes itch).

My dog is very happy when I give her a new victim to destroy. Its great for both of us; I get to make someone who currently loves me very happy while letting go of something that I really shouldn't hold on to, but didn't have the heart to part with. My dog gets to rip something up. If only gnawing on a carnival stuffed animal made me so happy...

Try it! It works with letters and cards too, depending on the destructive power of your pooch.

I wear sunglasses at night

So it seems that my blog is "under review for possible terms of service violations"

It's only been a day. I guess that just proves how badass I really am...

Lovecast for the week of 10/6

Another thing I love? California Psychics. Every morning, one of my lovely friends and I check our horoscopes and analyze. We usually add our own comments in another color and compare. At the end of the week I will curse it if its wrong, or praise it if it is right. We will see how this week goes...

Monday, October 6

Aligning your spiritual ideals with your work goals at the beginning of the week will help set you on your true path. Hmmm, so if I pray all my work gets done on its own, it will happen? Not likely. Mid-week, romance can be found with a colleague or through an unusual work project. Very doubtful, as I am in no way attracted to any of my co-workers. Maybe I will have to run out on some mysterious errand, and have a rancid affair at Staples or some other office supply store. Again, not likely. Your mystique draws admirers over the weekend, but you'll need to take off the rose-colored glasses when meeting a romantic prospect. Ugh, that reeks of a one nighter.

Better luck next week.

I discovered this wonderful website through my iGoogle page, another thing I cannot live without.

Quote I Love

I came across this quote today posted on The Conscious Snob:

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.”– Unknown

Five ways not to start a relationship

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a disaster is defined as…

dis•as•ter

• [noun] a sudden event, such as an accident or a natural catastrophe, that causes great damage or loss of life.
• an event or fact that has unfortunate consequences.
• INFORMAL; a person, place or thing that is a failure.

PHRASES
be a recipe for disaster - be extremely likely to have unfortunate consequences

My focus is on the informal definition, “a person, act, or thing that is a failure.” Basically, when you date disaster, you are in a relationship that is most likely bound to fail. There are many kinds of disastrous relationships, the key is being able to spot it early on and prevent either party from being hurt or distressed. The phrase “recipe for disaster” is also a helpful. For example, “Maybe we shouldn’t have started dating while he still had a girlfriend, it was a recipe for disaster.” Which leads me into my first list, five ways not to start a relationship.

1. Never start a relationship while you or the other person is in a relationship. Relationships are built on trust and starting your new relationship behind the back of an old one doesn’t say much for how trustworthy you or your partner can be.

2. Avoid legal trouble. Yes, people make mistakes, but that guy you met who is so cute but was just sentenced a DUI should really be focused on his own problems, not on a relationship. Tell him to call you in seven months.

3. Don’t date your friends’ friend, roommate, cousin etc. While it’s nice to date someone who you have mutual friends with, there is a good chance that there will be some conflict down the line over who you care about more. No one likes to choose.

4. People are who they are, and walking into a relationship thinking your influence can change someone for the better is a bad idea. Most of the time your idea of better is their idea of controlling. Wait it out for the one that comes in your size, not the one that has to be altered.

5. Most importantly, do not get involved in a relationship with a person who needs help. Whether it’s not knowing what they want to do in life, substance abuse, mental health issues, or any other serious life change, it is not a good time to add the responsibility of a relationship to someone’s plate when they can’t handle what is already on it.

I am the Queen of Poor Choices, and I live in the Land of Bad Decisions

So it's Sunday. Probably the worst day of the week. Some people prefer to hate Mondays, as it is the beginning of the week. For me, Sunday is the worst because you get to not only think about the week you just had, but you are also reminded of all the things you have to do in the week ahead. If you are reading this on a Sunday, then I may have just ruined your Sunday too, and I apologize in advance for the time you will now spend reflecting on your own week.

Horrible.

I woke up this morning in my friend's apartment, and we went through the ritual of trying to recap the events of the night before. Not a good start to any day, let alone the worst day of the week. It was all fun and games until I had the pleasure of looking at my phone, and the two new messages in response to the million messages I sent my ex boyfriend last night (terrible. you've been there. Fuck technology)

Why why why

And then I text him back, another poor choice. I am the Queen of Poor Choices, and I live in the Land of Bad Decisions.

Most of the time these choices aren't life changing. They are stupid little things we do or say that we feel bad about (TWI, texting while intoxicated, or sometimes completely sober and wishing we could blame it on substance abuse), spend hours whining to our friends about (thanks for listening), swear we will never do again (such as drinking in front of co-workers), and then forget about until we make another one (like texting back in the morning).

But these things do happen, and I have come to realize that most of the time we are the ones who make them so horrible in the first place. So I was drunk and I sent him a message. We aren't together and I do not anticipate us ever being together/being friends again. We don't even have mutual friends. We can't re break up. Worst case he thinks I'm crazy. Fuck him! (though he may be correct in that assessment)

Even the Queen needs to forgive herself sometimes. So as I reflect this beautiful (terrible) Sunday, I'll try a little harder to let go of the poor choices of the past week and not let them follow me to tomorrow.

Life lessons.

Now to review all the messages in the inbox of my dating site account, call my lovely friends, and complain about how unattractive my potential suitors are... (I told you I'm horrible)