On the difference between "stalking" and "browsing"

Friend: are you stalking him?

Me: Not stalking - stalking is going on Facebook with the specific goal of following someone's life.

Browsing is when you go on and someone posts an update and you press the wrong spot on the touch screen and are taken to a gallery where that person is shirtless.

Friend: Hahahahahaha

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On bras

"First, I would not leave my very expensive bra hanging on an antler at Jack and Bills. Second, if I was 21 my bra would be on there."

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On drinking

"I'm not usually this gay, but I'm drunk."

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On commercials

Friend: You know what I've fallen in love with? Those e-trade baby commercials.

FAIL

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