On athletes

Friend: I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Me: Tell him. Did you bring a sign?

Friend: No, but I brought a condom that I already poked holes in.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

On periods (BBMFLN)

Friend: Looks like I won't need to borrow abortion money this month!!

Me: Please wafttt that shit to me. I cannot have a child who was conceived on the hood of my car.

Friend: Why not? It's a great story!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry