On cars

"My car says 'I want to have children' yours says 'I'll give you head while you drive this.' We're taking YOUR car."

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

On laying in bed

Guy: I'm laying in bed, come join me.

Me: If I got in your bed right now I'd fall asleep. Sure that's what you had in mind.

Guy: I wouldn't let you.

Me: Oh really, how would you stop me?

Guy: Penis.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry